How To Start A Fight...

How to start a fight
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I
bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes...'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many
years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I
always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer... Always something more important
to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house..
I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
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